Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
