I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
