Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
