I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I understand Curling. That high.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize