brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
