just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
