just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
