The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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