Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
