worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
