Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
