you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
