so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
