I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
