the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
