we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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