Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
