it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
