no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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