I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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