Moan for me like Helen Keller
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
