Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
