I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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