your thong is hanging out like whoa
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
