eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
