you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
