Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Drunk is not a location!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
