I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My penis needs a shock collar
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
