he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
