I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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