community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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