I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
