You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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