my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
