i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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