it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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