The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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