people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
