i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
