And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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