i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
