i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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