somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
