he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
