I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Please don't give away my fajitas
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