When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
