It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
