You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm always down for nudity.
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