I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
