Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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