i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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