Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
