i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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