Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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