I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
