cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
