I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
