Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize