Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
