I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
