Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
