it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
