I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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