i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
