I am in a vortex of obligation.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
