Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just pee around me
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
