He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
