There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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