Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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