apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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