we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
not ubering you a puppy
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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