Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i think i just lost a toe
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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