His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
