Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My ATM looks so different sober.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
