If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
