I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
