coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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