I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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