i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
