her vagine was all disorganized.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
