So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
