I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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