She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
