Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
