That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
