Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
