is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
