we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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