I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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