chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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