I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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