stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize