Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I want a musical about memes.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
