Just fell off a train. Bad.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
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