Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
