No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
