I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
