I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
