Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Buhtt sex?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
