I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
