last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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