Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You can't motorboat a personality
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
