i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
