I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize