I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
