You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
