my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I know her cup size but not her name....
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