He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
