im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
