We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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