...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
