So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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