Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize