Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize