My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
