No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
