Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Boobs speak an international language.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
