okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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