Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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