Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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