Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
