i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Can you bring me the toilet please
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
