My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
