Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
