I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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